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Feathers Shape the Air

by Star Bear

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1.
New Year 04:08
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This year I’ll be less afraid I’ll be like a child Lost in the day I hear They say there’s a way They say just be patient The past won’t dictate I couldn’t help but feel left out Everyone I know was home In their houses Their towns And I was living in a world I don’t belong With all of you I fear My life’s been a waste I’m only a face Of memory lane My mirror Is covered in paint Am I worth the wait ’Til I blank my slate? I couldn’t help but feel left out Everyone I know was home In their houses Their towns And I was living in a world I was wrong I was wrong I was wrong when I believed I had a chance to simply be My own image of your me I was wrong Not ready I was wrong to trust my head Now I breathe thousand regrets I never understood my voice A foreign sound drowned out with noise I tried to hide I tried to hide I couldn’t help but feel left out Everyone I know was home In their houses Their towns And I was living in a world I don’t belong With all of you I couldn’t help Let myself down My disconnection left me lost In my false destination I never knew how much strength I needed To spend to heal I’m ready For this year
2.
Returns 04:58
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It all felt the same When I stepped to my old steps Like I slept in my old bed Life could regain Innocence Present tense I’m lost in distance Couldn’t find my way back here Broken parts inside I ran away and lied “My cracks might disappear in time” I’m coming home I’ll travel backwards Unrolling my mistakes Finally awake Passing cities I’ve lived in Chapters forgiven Am I welcome here? I’m coming home I’m coming home But I don’t know How long it’s been Frozen crystalline Are there still ghosts? Will I ever know How my story’s told Carved in stone? I’m coming home Broken scaffolds Of my spirit whole Fixing floors below And underneath The shattered history I hope you’ll be Standing by me I’m coming home
3.
The Journey 03:56
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Every day Is another chance to change You are not the same We all share This wild train You maintain The world as it spins in vain I know you care It’s lonely there Infinite sustain Turn to where you want to be And dream It hurts how far away it seems Believe Turn to where you want to be Redeem It hurts how far away it seems Believe Every night Is another try for life But rest comes with nightmares I know you’re scared As the stars glow in the sky You desire To always make things right Your mission is repair They see it in your eyes All you’d sacrifice Turn to where you want to be And dream It hurts how far away it seems Believe Turn to where you want to be Redeem It hurts how far away it seems Believe Everyone Still loves you when it’s done I hope everyone Still loves me when it’s done
4.
Coexist 03:51
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Two parts coexist My heart can handle this I try to see life Through your eyes I try to make it All align We were sad and were mad and we all wish we had Seen each other Through it all, there was love Our memories of Life misunderstood When we’re old We’ll look back and grieve Lost years we couldn’t speak of All the stolen moments when All the ghosts distorted our intents Trying to survive We didn’t know how to realize The pain we tried to hide Was dissolving all our time We were sad and were mad And we all wish we had Seen each other Through it all, there was love Our memories of Life misunderstood We were sad and were mad And we all wish we had Seen each other Through it all, there was love Our memories of Life misunderstood I misunderstood I misunderstood Two parts coexist My heart can handle this
5.
Betrayal of Heads 03:51
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We all have the same Memories that we can’t see Scattered in our brains Broken peace history We try to live in now Sometimes we don’t know how To escape Resonate Separate Compensate Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Betrayal of our heads On fire All liars Cycles of regrets Entirely rewired Experiences hurt Rain clouds Thunder bursts We were born here first We’ll all get what we deserve We can never trust our eyes Desperate to rely On our minds To assign Meaning to The dreary winter sky Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Betrayal of our heads On fire All liars Cycles of regret Entirely rewired Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Betrayal of our heads On fire All liars Cycles of regret Entirely rewired Remember what they said We’re so tired of the old choir Forced to disconnect
6.
Where It Ends 04:42
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The dreary winter sky Mocks your sense of hope How to save your life Is something you can’t know So close your eyes and see Past this darkened hour Across your empty dream From a lookout tower Desperation drains your patience Differentiate numbness from pain Everything you try to pay attention to something else Every day your silence burns away your sense of self Heavy is the head that wears so many crowns Ready to close the vicious spiral down The dreary winter sky Feels like time held still Healing comes with time But years to wait until Time is just a number Cold hearts beat like thunder Rolling distant echoes Of momentary glow Transcend your raw corporal bonds You are more than your endorphins Everything you try to pay attention to something else Every day your silence burns away your sense of self Heavy is the head that wears so many crowns Ready to close the vicious spiral down The spiral ends ‘cause you control Where the spiral ends ‘cause you control Where the spiral ends ‘cause you control Where the spiral ends ‘cause you control Where the spiral ends You control where the spiral ends You control where the spiral ends You control where the spiral ends
7.
Slowly Fading 04:39
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Maybe we’re all currents Each of us a transient motion Dancing ‘round each other Is this a calming notion? Little swirls in the sand Imperfections in time’s hourglass Holding each others’ hands How long will we all last? I think I’m part of everything I know Where I start and where I end are slowly fading Maybe we’re all birds Coasting in the wind The birdsongs we’ve heard Define ourselves within Feathers shape the air Others flying through Whether I am there Changes all of you I think I’m part of everything I know Where I start and where I end are slowly fading Where I start and where I end are slowly fading Where I start and where I end are slowly fading Where I start and where I end are slowly fading Lonely days when our hope’s forsaken We grow rewaken We need only grace Maybe we’re all crystals Paths unique and frozen Cemented transitional Perfect flaws interwoven We live emerging patterns Floating in the static We are only matter Collisions inelastic I think I’m part of everything I know Where I start and where I end are slowly fading
8.
The Window is Closing 04:05
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We had our time We had our chance We crossed the lines With inattention Maybe we were always meant to Leave this planet dead Just to get ahead Annihilation Expiration So short-sighted Always fighting The window is closing Shadows approaching We’ll all go knowing What we are owning The window is closing Shadows approaching We’ll all go knowing What you did Deny your crimes All you want You stole our lives With atom bombs Power gave you nothing but your Empty swollen years Poor engineering Fuel wasting gears We all can hear you Lying to your lineage The window is closing Shadows approaching We’ll all going knowing What we are owning The window is closing Shadows approaching We’ll all go knowing What you did You closed our story With your offshoring Just for your boring Way of life Was it all worth it? Your Pascal’s gambit Your monkey’s paw To trade it all You created the last generation You created the last generation You created the last generation You created the last generation
9.
A Foreign Language 03:29
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I don’t have the words that do Justice to myself I don’t have the voice to sing My thoughts I want to tell you I try to find a way to speak A language you can hear But I know I’m often rambling unclear I don’t know if you can tell How much I truly care I try to leave you messages And breadcrumbs everywhere Maybe when you pick them up You’ll get a sense of how I’m failing to convey the love I feel Love deep profound I am lost in this story Love’s a foreign language for me I never learned to speak it I don’t mean to keep secrets I don’t hear the messages From my families Neither from the ones I chose Nor the others who chose me All the tries to pick me up To give me what I need Landed flat when I dropped them at my feet I am lost in this story Love’s a foreign language for me I never learned to read it It’s kept from me a secret I don’t know how to tell anybody That I appreciate their vision of me I don’t know how to say The simplest thing about my whole existence I’m so grateful for my people Why can’t I just be real? I am lost in this story Love’s a foreign language for me I never learned to speak it I don’t mean to keep secrets I am lost in this story Love’s a foreign language for me I never learned to speak it I don’t mean to keep secrets
10.
The Worst Feeling 03:48
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It makes me weak It tricks my senses It shakes my knees I put up fences What is the message my mind is sending? Do I really need to be defending? Am I lost? Am I in danger? I am not I don’t need anger It sneaks into love It makes my skin tough I become less than Thoughts I should question Childlike tantrums make me a fool Ancient phantoms ignite my fuel When I’m mad I wear a mask of broken glass Let it pass Let it pass Let it pass Let it pass What is the message my mind is sending? Do I really need to be defending? Am I lost? Am I in danger? I am not I don’t need anger I don’t need it I don’t need it at all I don’t need it I don’t need it at all
11.
Hourglass 04:54
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With a stranger in New Orleans Said the river makes him see how small he is I felt the water with my hand I said I see how big I am My world was so small I the center of it all Growing older I changed to see a wider view That there’s so much more than me And all of you I measured myself By how I helped everyone Darkness covered all And I thought I was the sun I am not everywhere I am just here My pride is measured on people I’m near There is no legacy There’s just a few years We only live so long I still fight the message That lifted me from childhood That I am here to save Everyone I could That it’s not good enough To be the one you love Had to rise above Learn to stop looking up When the earth fell ill I ran out of will I stood I stood up for myself I deserve my own health I am worth so much more Than I knew I ignored all the clues I was lost Running out the clock The closest to me Are the ones I believe My friends when I was young Showed me how to have fun I thought it was a waste But it’s all that is sacred All that I need now To prove that I can keep vows Is people who love me The world is people who love me I am not everywhere I am just here My pride is measured on people I’m near There is no legacy There’s just a few years We only live so long We only live so long We only live so long We only live so long The world is people who love me
12.
82 Beats (Everything’s Fine) 04:17
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Wake up Get dressed Drink water Eat breakfast Can’t complain Everything’s fine Clean up The mess Work out Invest Can’t complain Everything’s fine We’re all in this together You are not alone Nobody cares whether You’re not what you show Hello Goodbye Good morning It’s nice to see you Everything’s fine We cry We’re tired We’ve all lost We don’t know why You can’t complain Is everything fine? We’re all in this together You are not alone Why does no one care whether You’re running out of hope Wake up Get dressed Nightmares Forget Can’t process There’s not enough time What if we admit It’s too much The bullshit Never mind Everything’s fine We’re all in this together Pretending we can keep Everydaying forever When will we get to sleep Everydaying forever Everydaying forever
13.
Nightbird 04:14
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I wait for the sunrise Can anyone untie my ties To the loving protection That keeps me inside I’d like to fly My life is fine Your love is enough You’re my family I lean on your shoulder As we’re getting older I sing when you sing Three-part harmony I’d like to fly My life is fine Your love is enough You’re my family I wait for the morning When you’re kind and you’re sweet The years have been hard We traveled so far Our words don’t need meaning I like to fly My life is fine Your love is enough You’re my family I’m alone in my home And I feel you close I only sleep when I’m Safe with someone I know I love the sound of your voice When you’re on the phone I dream That I’m singing softly And I’m waking to see If you’re coming for me For another evening To feed me a treat You’re my family
14.
Prayer for Rest 05:07
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It’s time to sleep I know you’re tired You’ve had to keep Climbing higher Tranquility Is what I want For you to be Relaxed and calm Tomorrow I will write a song For you I wish you well Just rest tonight Can you tell When I’m by your side? I know I’m not That kind of doctor But I just wish I could give you wellness I would trade all of my traits To erase all my mistakes I’d replace my sunny days With some gray ones full of rain Just to take away your pain Just to take away your pain If there is healing I hope you find it I know the feeling Of being blinded By the long road So distant from me But I will go As far as we need I would trade all of my traits To erase all my mistakes I’d replace my sunny days With some gray ones full of rain Just to take away your pain Just to take away your pain I would trade my life away I am trying hard to change My undying love won’t fade Even while there’s trepidation I pray you’ll escape your pain I pray you’ll escape your pain I pray you’ll escape your pain It’s time to sleep The day is over Some rest will be A small step toward Some better days I just can’t wait Tomorrow I will write a song For you To play you when you make it through

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released June 1, 2022

Songs written, performed, and produced by Bert Huang.

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Star Bear Boston, Massachusetts

The musical hobby project of Bert Huang.

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